Understanding Self-Compassion: A Path to Better Relationships

Hey there! Today, I want to talk about something that’s been on my mind a lot: how we relate to ourselves and how it affects our relationships with others. In my work as a therapist, I’ve noticed that many people struggle with parts of themselves they wish they could just get rid of. But here’s the thing—trying to eliminate those parts often makes things worse.

The Critical Voice: A Double-Edged Sword

I remember chatting with a client who was using hypnosis to silence his critical voice. He thought that by getting rid of this internal critic, he’d finally find peace. But guess what? It didn’t work. Instead, it made his critical voice even louder. This got me thinking about a better way to handle our inner critics, one that involves more self-compassion.

A Framework for Self-Compassion

So, I came up with a simple three-step process to help you deal with your inner critic in a kinder way. It involves validating, understanding, and integrating those critical feelings. Here’s how it works:

Step 1: Validate the Emotions of the Critic

First, acknowledge and validate the emotions your inner critic is expressing. Don’t try to silence or ignore these feelings. Instead, recognize them as valid and worthy of attention.

Step 2: Make Sense of Those Emotions

Next, understand where these emotions are coming from. Often, our critical voice is rooted in past experiences and hurts. By making sense of these feelings, you can see how they might have been trying to protect you.

Step 3: Bring the Critic into the Present

Finally, bring your inner critic into the present moment. Reassure it that you’re safe now and come up with a plan to move forward together.

An Example in Practice

Let me give you an example to show how this works. Say your inner critic is filled with feelings of shame and fear because your siblings used to pick on you. You might say to your critic:

“Hey there, critic. I see you’re feeling a lot of shame and fear, and that makes sense given what you went through with your siblings. But it’s 2024 now, and I’m here to protect you. I’ll set boundaries so you don’t get hurt like that again. If you’re ever worried, just let me know, and we’ll make sure we’re safe.”

The Ripple Effect of Self-Compassion

When you start relating to yourself in this way, you develop more self-compassion. And guess what? This change inside you will start showing up in your relationships with others. When you treat yourself with kindness and understanding, it’s easier to extend the same to the people around you.

I truly believe that how we relate to ourselves reflects in how we relate to others. If you’re having trouble in your relationships, take a look at how you’re treating yourself. By improving that internal relationship, you’ll see improvements in your external ones too.

Wrapping Up

In short, the journey to self-compassion is about acknowledging and understanding your inner critic, not trying to silence it. By doing this, you heal your relationship with yourself, which then positively impacts your interactions with others. Self-compassion isn’t just a quick fix—it’s about building a lasting, compassionate relationship with all parts of yourself. This change can make a huge difference in your life and your relationships.

SirAaronMason.com