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Reflecting on my relationships with other Black men, a recent experience stands out. I’ve spent most of my life and therapy career in predominantly white communities—a journey marked by growth but also by a sense of isolation and a longing for deeper connections within my own community. Recently, I’ve begun forging new friendships with Black men in professional settings, and this has evolved into something truly special: a supportive network, a brotherhood.

Just yesterday, I met up with a couple of these newfound friends for coffee. Walking into the coffee shop, it was clear we were the only Black people there. Yet, despite this, we felt comfortable and supported enough to speak openly about our experiences as Black men in a predominantly white community. We discussed the unique challenges we face, and it was empowering to do so in a public space, to claim that space as our own. It felt like we were communicating to everyone there that this is our space too. We belong here, just as much as anyone else.

This experience made me realize how much I’ve missed the sense of brotherhood that comes with being a Black man in America. For a long time, I was anxious about forming relationships with other Black men due to the negative stereotypes society has painted of us—thugs, gangsters, womanizers. But through my own healing and growth, I’ve come to see the importance of these relationships. I’ve met Black men who are on similar paths, dedicated to making their communities better and advocating for those in need.

As a Black man, it’s crucial for me to find a healthy balance of masculine and feminine energies. Moving away from toxic masculinity, I strive to embrace my nurturing, compassionate, and courageous sides, alongside the assertiveness that comes with healthy masculinity. This balance allows me to be my full, authentic self and foster self-compassion. As I enhance the compassion I hold for myself, I can foster that same compassion towards other Black men. I find it important to come together with other Black men in ways that are non-violent, compassionate, vulnerable, safe, and supportive, building a strong community for one another.

In predominantly white communities, Black men often do this important work in isolation due to a perceived lack of safety. My advocacy work aims to change that. I want to work with other Black men in my community and bring those who might feel isolated out of hiding and into the community where they can be seen, valued, and take up space. As Black men, we have the right to occupy and thrive in all community spaces.

This journey is about more than just personal growth; it’s about creating a ripple effect that will lead to broader community progress. As I strive to heal and balance my internal psyche as a Black man, this healing reflects in my external relationships and the work I do in my community. By forging our own healing and bringing together great minds in a collaborative, reciprocal way, we establish bonds of brotherhood and communities of support amongst Black men that can change the dynamics within racially polarized communities.

As Black men, we are here to be seen, to be heard, and to take up space. We drink coffee, we fellowship, we support each other, and we belong. This is our right. As we continue to advocate for our communities, let’s remember the power of brotherhood and the importance of coming together. Together, we can create a future where all people of color are valued and supported, where we can thrive and make lasting change.

Let’s claim our space, support one another, and build a stronger, more connected community.