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When I learned of Sue Johnson’s passing, the founder of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), I felt a profound warmth and an overwhelming sense of gratitude. Her groundbreaking work has profoundly impacted countless lives, and in many ways, she fulfilled her purpose on earth by transforming how we understand and heal emotional bonds. As I reflect on Dr. Johnson’s journey, I find myself contemplating how EFT influences my work with families, especially in helping parents navigate their own attachment wounds while raising their children.

In thinking about this, I realize how integral EFT is to my approach, even though I haven’t had formal training in it. Through reading books, watching videos, and observing demonstrations, I’ve absorbed the essence of EFT and applied its principles to the families I work with. I feel compelled to share how I integrate EFT into my practice and what it looks like in real-world settings.

Understanding the Conflict Cycle in EFT

A central concept in EFT is the conflict cycle, often triggered by unmet attachment needs. While this idea is typically applied to couples’ conflicts, I’ve observed its relevance in parent-child interactions, particularly around parenting issues. Describing any two-person interaction within a family through the lens of the conflict cycle can illuminate the unmet attachment needs of each family member.

This understanding is crucial because parents frequently project their unresolved attachment wounds onto their children, inadvertently missing the mark in their parenting efforts. By utilizing the EFT model, we can identify where a parent’s wound is triggered and how it affects their child. This insight allows us to work with the parent to repair the wound, thereby liberating the child from its influence.

Applying EFT in Practice: A Step-by-Step Approach

For instance, imagine a scenario where a child kicks and screams. Instead of solely addressing the child’s behavior, we can delve deeper into the parent’s experience. We might ask the parent what feelings and bodily sensations arise in that moment. We can explore the self-talk and beliefs that surface, and investigate what these remind them of from their own past. This process helps uncover the attachment wounds that need healing.

Questions such as, “What are you feeling in your body right now?” and “What thoughts are going through your mind when your child behaves this way?” can reveal significant insights. We can then ask, “Who do these thoughts and feelings remind you of?” and “How do these experiences make you want to react?” By paying attention to these responses, we can identify the attachment wounds that need to be addressed in the parent.

Healing Through Awareness and Repair

In family therapy using an EFT framework, the therapist works with both the child to enhance their coping skills and the parent to address their attachment wounds. Parents often bring their children to therapy with the best intentions, seeking help without fully realizing how their own childhood experiences influence their parenting. By helping parents understand the connection between their upbringing and their relationship with their child, we increase their awareness and ability to navigate their own wounds. This process not only aids in their healing but also creates a more nurturing environment for their child to grow and thrive.

Conclusion: The Lasting Impact of Sue Johnson’s Work

As I continue to reflect on Sue Johnson’s legacy, I am reminded of the profound impact her work has had on the field of therapy and on my own practice. Emotionally Focused Therapy offers a powerful framework for understanding and healing attachment wounds, making it an invaluable tool in family dynamics. By integrating EFT principles into my work with families, I am able to help parents and children connect more deeply and heal more completely.

In memory of Sue Johnson, I am inspired to carry forward her vision of fostering secure, loving relationships. Her contributions to the field have not only transformed countless lives but also provided a roadmap for therapists like myself to continue the important work of healing emotional bonds within families.