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Lately, the concept of triangles keeps popping up in my therapy sessions, and I’ve realized just how often I use it with my clients, whether on purpose or not. It’s become clear to me that triangles play a huge role, especially in family and couples therapy. So, let’s chat about this a bit and see how these triangles can actually help strengthen relationships.

Triangles in Family Systems

First off, let’s talk about family therapy. The idea of a triangle here is pretty fundamental. Think about it: no two-person relationship is entirely stable on its own. They need a third element to keep things balanced, much like a tripod needs three legs to stand steady. This third element could be a person, an activity, or even an issue that gets pulled into the mix to help stabilize things.

Triangulation in Couples Therapy

Now, when I’m working with couples, I often look at what’s being triangulated into their relationship. For some, it might be a third person, like in-laws or friends. For others, it could be work, household chores, or other daily responsibilities. These elements, though sometimes seen as problematic, can actually help stabilize the relationship.

Triangles often get a bad rap in relationships, but as a therapist, I see their potential for good. By understanding and using triangulation in a positive way, we can help couples stabilize and strengthen their bond instead of causing more issues.

Turning Social Systems into a Common Enemy

One of the strategies I find particularly powerful is to bring social systems and societal structures into the conversation, framing them as a common enemy. This means helping couples recognize and unite against these external forces that might be impacting their relationship.

For example:

• Challenging Patriarchy: A couple can come together to push back against patriarchal norms that affect their dynamic. By recognizing these pressures, they can support each other in challenging and overcoming them.
• Addressing Racial Issues: A biracial couple might align against societal structures around race, turning their shared opposition into a stronger bond and deeper connection.

The Benefits of a Shared Struggle

By looking at triangles and bringing social systems into the relationship, couples can unite against external challenges rather than fighting each other. Here’s what that can do:

1. Reducing Blame: Instead of blaming each other for relationship problems, couples can focus on external factors that are causing stress.
2. Building Intimacy and Safety: Working together against a common enemy can create a sense of unity and shared purpose, which strengthens intimacy and safety.
3. Increasing Awareness: Couples can become more aware of how social structures affect their emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being, helping them connect more deeply.

Putting It into Practice

So, how does this look in a therapy session? Well, it starts with identifying those external forces. Then, we work on reframing the narrative so the couple sees their struggles as a shared battle against these forces, not against each other. Finally, we focus on building a united front, where they support each other in facing these challenges.

Wrapping Up

Triangles might sound like a complicated concept, but they’re actually a simple and powerful tool in therapy. By bringing social systems into the conversation and turning them into a common enemy, couples can find new ways to connect and support each other. They can shift their focus from internal conflicts to external challenges, building a stronger, more resilient relationship in the process.

So next time you find yourself feeling disconnected or at odds with your partner, consider what external forces might be at play. By recognizing and uniting against these, you just might find a deeper connection and a stronger bond.